Who You Are

"It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are." - e.e. cummings

What does that even mean?

Don't we just grow up and become who we are, automatically?

I think we don't. I think most people are on auto-pilot in their lives in their careers, relationships and other interests. Afraid to really dig deep or put themselves out there, they are prisoners to the opinions of other people. For as much as I stand out to others as someone who is "inspirational, confident" and a whole long list of other complementary adjectives, I question myself as much as the next person.

I don't think becoming who we are is a race with a definitive finish line. Like, we reach age 40 and POOF! we've become who we are.

I think it takes courage to explore who we are, become aware of who we are (the parts we like and the parts we don't like) and then become that, unashamedly.

If I asked you, "do you know who you really are?" What would you say?

I could give you a list about me:

Gemini talkative intelligent white strong Buddhist creative left-handed Irish/Italian American

that's a nice list. It hardly says anything about me, but it's a start.

Something I've learned from my transition, and the many life changes I've made before and since, is that becoming who you are isn't something that's hidden and then suddenly revealed. Like, "ah-HA! I found it. I'm ______." It's sort of revealed to us, through different life experiences and choices we make. We both shape and are shaped by the world around us. Was I always transgender and just had to suddenly uncover it? No way. I doubt that I would have transitioned when and how I did if I hadn't moved to Boston--this city and my experiences here absolutely influenced my identity transformation. Similarly, each time I explored a new diet (I've had my vegan and vegetarian stages) I learned a bit more about me, my values, my preferences and my limits.

We make decisions. We experience jobs, relationships, food, exercise, hobbies, etc. We decide what goes and what stays from those decisions or choices.

And that's how we become who we are. Why does it take courage?

For most people, it doesn't. Most people stick a toe in the water of something and decide it's too hard or too scary. Or they gave it a good try and failed tremendously and the shame of it has them paralyzed or licking their wounds back where it's safe. We make decisions and sometimes they reveal things we don't want to see or confront. Being out as a transgender person is both incredibly exciting and surreal and it also REALLY SUCKS. Working for myself as a coach is profoundly liberating and also incredibly frustrating and tiring. I've gotten over it feeling perilous, thank goodness. Being brave in relationships with others leaves me incredibly vulnerable but also incredibly satisfied when I find someone who is equally brave and grateful for me and my open heart.